markmavrinac

Mark Mavrinac

HA&L Biographical Sketch for contributor Mark Mavrinac

He was the cream of our Southmount high school graduating class, but he didn't graduate. The final straw leading to expulsion had to do with three strands of Charmaine's luxuriant hair lassoed to three flies. Charmaine was an accomplice, not a victim.

Later, at art school, everyone knew who he was. Everyone.

He was the first to achieve escape velocity.

Those of us who could not achieve escape velocity now play a game called: What Couldn't Mavrinac Do? The start of the game usually begins with its inverse:

Could Mavrinac play with the Rolling Stones?

Sure. Keith would take to him in an instant.

Could Mavrinac fix my roof/pen/internal combustion engine/zippo/

parachute/bunsen burner/carillon/faldstool/mantel/broom/valise/

catamaran/brakes/pressure cooker/fiddle/net/sextant/pontoon?

When do you need it by?

If the building suddenly caught fire, could Mavrinac carry us all to safety?

He would be more likely to throw us all to safety.

Which of the 12 Apostles is Mavrinac most like?

Nick.

And so, what couldn't Mavrinac do?

Well, he has a thing about dentists, but if push came to shove, and you needed that molar out of your head -- Bob's your uncle. Marv's your cousin. Griselda's your maiden aunt.

Well, he couldn't have written any of Shakespeare's plays, because that was a long time ago...

And the referee calls a penalty, because when you play What Couldn't Mavrinac Do? it is against the rules to predate the Mavrinac. There is, however, another game called What Did Mavrinac's Ancestors Do?

The dictionary definition of Mavrinacian reads: To act in the manner of Mavrinac; that is, to be steadfast, loyal, kind and gentle. To slide hard into second. To rub behind the ear of deserving cats and throw the stick until the big dog is happily worn out. To turn the guitar up really loud when rockin' and down a bit when rollin'.

What a burdensome introduction to a man of simple wants and needs. A man who lives in a restored chicken coop beside a fjord in Denmark with fishin' rods ready at the front door. He records songs there. Hundreds of them. When he goes to work in Copenhagen, he might have to wrangle mermaids, defuse a charmingly wound-up Joachim Phoenix, and get the movie camera to places it wasn't meant to get to.

Now, enjoy Mark Mavrinac's Bibliomania. °

[This HA&L biographical sketch and introduction © 2008 Ephemerists.]